why s t important to be meaningful; i dont write as meaning flows in thru the night into my pen and poses itself on paper; the chair creak on the floor, the kitchen s empty. the light of the tube s white empty spreads the room, the walls bristle with activity, living organisms pop their head out, the bed invites, relief, on a bedsheet, as the last thots murmur like a bee over my eye lids my ears ring with the familiar whish of the fan, scary it can turn so quick, the cold s comforting, the memories not so much, troubled, yet the bed's c0mfortin, the bed's comfortin, the bed's comfortin, sleep waits on me by the head of m bed..my last glance at the windows and the red and white checkered curtains that sway in the fan's breeze.. my life as sleep, seeking of relief, and yet i walk from pillar to post in my dreams unfamiliar to the world or myself i sek sleep or relief,relief

i see ol love songs there is a genuine fear of getting into a relship and getting hurt...

more these days its become a lifestyle option whether to get into a relship or stay out of it

maybe there is nt heart anymore in a relship like there used to be, equally important issues like compatibility of all sorts gain limelite

which is not a bad thing given that where there's compatibility there's accountability.

and but whr's the adventure, not really not much, who needs adventure these days after work and the job of tending to oneself.

anyways was jus wonderin, guess m becomin the,"the cookie dude" kinda guy

which i was'nt in love, anyways getn glimpses into my own bull, which is kinda fun see y'al

i fell in love long time ago...cos i thot the hardest hit anyone could ever take was to be to shunted
and i did get shunted..got wrecked..got gutted...now after the rigorous war of stayin alive..i look around and i see barren land...did i fight for this...

love can put u in so much pain..that feelin alive become a necessity and u thot the only one that can give u a break of LAIFE was ur girl..damn that was a high

but now..the drudgery s killin me..and s killin me...drivin me towards insanity....absolute insanity from disillusion...i no disillusion is the part of life..but m too scared too meet it..because its like the thar..wud i get out of it
whats on the other side...damn im too tired thinkin..i wanna feel alive ...jus jump off a fuckin tree or smthin..or even an aircraft...feel near life..i guess it do me some good...i don no leseee

i caress the strands of ur hair, u left behind,

the light yellow, the silence wailing around me like a child,

my face as my heart is jaded, for these emotions do not resonate with me now,

the past is a glorious thing, it leaves one to recount endlessly as the waves that now roll on the ocean;

the night is chilled from its spray, memories roll on..

fruck my life

s like his fingers had mouths on them, while he touched her..

and his mouth were made up of many other mouths while he sucked on her

and he drank her all but in

littanies of desire

the litany of boredom;

kept chained, in a dark room, all fears and anger and rage kept scoured from my memory, shame and anger the only leftover stains;

i am enraged at my own helplessness, i am a free man but bound by chains of desire, what a life can do when enslaved by desire,

I know not

now i must prick my lock to the chains that bind me, get used to the darkness, find my way if not for anything then a better more happy environs,

boring is not life as somebody's slave, it s exciting, boring is not love when harmed, it singes ur death at a hand of a tickin clock

but when harmed and hurt, and mutilated from desire and chains and helplessness, teh rage to burn or revenge doubles, triples, till the fires that set to burn ur master or mistress, begins to feed on urself, I am there today, helpless with desire,
troubled beyond measure, and subjected to devious poisons..,

torture, beyond belief, torture as if ur veins in the head are withering off in a chemical burn

ah life its excitement and tensions..withering me off, withering me off..cud nt raise my tongue to save my own soul from the fires of my own consumin desires, ah fire that burns me cool me too.

for i may rise again, and that day i shall consume you too with the rest of my whole world, this whole my world..