flawed personality is what i call mysef..
ful of faults...
human...
given to sadness
given to mood swings...
a brooder by nature
insecure about the fact that i might not have people to like me love me or whatever
terribly cheated by the fact that my persona is a mask that i wear to bring people to get attracted to me....
i am scared to show them my real face for the fact that it maybe hideous...it may run shivers through them...
my needs( for love, for lust, for food,for excitement),my appetites humongous and i hide behind this mask which i loathe and i must wear for the same reason that i am scared of the most

my brother told me repeatedly in my childhood in my bouts of getting beaten up by him that i was a worm, almost invisible, non-existent, broken as an individual, with a soul rusted from stupidity, ignorance, and that i was a curse to the family,

broken then, i had limped with my inferiorities and the complexes it gave me through school, mom's rigid routines sealed my chances of having or knowing what a girl looked like or was...
anger, frustration, sadness at my plight had given birth to a scream which went right through my heart...never knew who to turn to...and when i did people laughed at my weaknesses....my doubts, my ignorance....
and then upon study and careful introspection i had come upon this monumental anger i had towards my family, my sense of helplessness that weakened me from within...
it came to be that even now when i am in love with somebody that i am scared, inside of being considered inferior by them, of being thought of as nothing but a weird loser...i can take the pain...!!!
i ve come to get used to it by now...
but sometimes whne it is not necessary and when i am in love i fall into these notions that lay me down in my tracks and seal my fate...
i do abhor the sight of my brother for no other reason than that he crippled me for a life, that i could have done better with if not with anything than atleast with myself. But hardness has a way of toughening u from the bottom of ur heart when long done from crying, frustrated and knowing that any help is far away and that everything is a sham, out dawns the fact that anything good can only come from within, sense of humor i somethiung u develop when u can do nothing about the sadness that surrounds u..it keeps u happy or makes u luk like a strong man, wicked, wild and happy, i could do with it...i tuk it with both my arms wide open....
my monsters are from within, the worst of them, if i can take them i can take anybody!!!
i am broken but i will not recede without a failure or a fight, try i shall, fail i may probaby, learn i might, succeed prolly, but failure is more comfortable for me than success i am famiiar with it....
even the broken have their reprieve....
i shall learn