Orphan'd.....

I woke remembering u today;

the sunlight hurt my eyes;

my tears stayed wrinkled across my wet cheek;

i no ur far away, never will u be mine....

my bed's empty

my heart breaks as i wake

every morning some new piece breaks...

i shatter it in your memory;

i wish t was broken less;

i can't think of wat to do....

I'm lost; wandering through the nights in ur memories;

whores that i sleep with to ease the pain of ur loss;

ur fingers that i kissed, now is a cold unfamiliar pillow

ur eyes that i looked into is my wall now

ur arms that i'ad adored is but empty space...

ur smile that i waited on is but just a fading memory

my loss is real, my tears real

s but gone, an era of joy, now plunged in darkness, blinded by sorrow..

stung by the cold

i shall remember u in my dark, deserted heart

strange cos i am just a visitor here;

of pain and better days..lie the wasteland

and the sun shines through the dew of my eyes;

pain....black, gray, wet pain.....i would have held on to you till the end of my world...

onward i go abandoned..

to know a day is closer to letting go off u

i mute my wail

none would understand

none would care;

u would'nt care;

niether would u understand;

that my heart could beg yours for you

years will pass by; the world will have moved on

but tonight i miss you; and i ll have missed u every night

till i fell out of it, and walked on...

remembering and then forgetting

love me hungry

love me naked

love me like a mother

love me like a child

let ur locks fall across ur face my love

that i may tuck it so gently like the breeze behind ur ears

dance with me love, naked that the breeze may kiss u in places my fingers have'nt traversed yet

look into my eyes love that i may lose myself in them

fold ur head into my chest love that i may smell the scent of ur hair

let ur lips melt into mine my love that i may let my soul into you

cry out loud with me love, so that we may die happy today within each other

let me cry and bury my head within u, love, that i may know i am surrounded by your love and warmth

let me die within u today my love, that we may remember it with zest

when seasons [ay homage no more to our lovely bodies

die within me love that i may know you were in love with me today, now and in this moment, that i may remember it forever as the day when i went to heaven...

born in the wrong side of the world...or born into the wrong world.......god help me...
i don even no y im here....i bleed tears....i cry to myself....i ve missed i cant even remember what...all i remmeber and have..is pain...
am animal yes i am....i am boy...yes i am....i have pain yes i do....i am confused...yes yes i ve always been..i need to break free..yes i do...do i care about anything else..maybe..but im sure i don't..i don't..i need escape

kijo..--

all the stupidity that u've nurtured over the ages ripens into boisterous adulthood in love....
all the emotions u never gave vent in ur whole life....becomes a splurged canvas in loss of such love... curiously painful...naughtily strong..you limp back..knowing the pain was worth every bit of the stupidity....sometimes such things r just too strong, there's just tooo much wildness in our natures for us ever to be civilised....so much pain, so much rage, so much thrill from it, a life seems justified only by the amount times u were ready to turn the rod on urself... we hold on too many things .. too many trading away our natures and satiation....we r traitors to our own souls.....

flawed personality is what i call mysef..
ful of faults...
human...
given to sadness
given to mood swings...
a brooder by nature
insecure about the fact that i might not have people to like me love me or whatever
terribly cheated by the fact that my persona is a mask that i wear to bring people to get attracted to me....
i am scared to show them my real face for the fact that it maybe hideous...it may run shivers through them...
my needs( for love, for lust, for food,for excitement),my appetites humongous and i hide behind this mask which i loathe and i must wear for the same reason that i am scared of the most

my brother told me repeatedly in my childhood in my bouts of getting beaten up by him that i was a worm, almost invisible, non-existent, broken as an individual, with a soul rusted from stupidity, ignorance, and that i was a curse to the family,

broken then, i had limped with my inferiorities and the complexes it gave me through school, mom's rigid routines sealed my chances of having or knowing what a girl looked like or was...
anger, frustration, sadness at my plight had given birth to a scream which went right through my heart...never knew who to turn to...and when i did people laughed at my weaknesses....my doubts, my ignorance....
and then upon study and careful introspection i had come upon this monumental anger i had towards my family, my sense of helplessness that weakened me from within...
it came to be that even now when i am in love with somebody that i am scared, inside of being considered inferior by them, of being thought of as nothing but a weird loser...i can take the pain...!!!
i ve come to get used to it by now...
but sometimes whne it is not necessary and when i am in love i fall into these notions that lay me down in my tracks and seal my fate...
i do abhor the sight of my brother for no other reason than that he crippled me for a life, that i could have done better with if not with anything than atleast with myself. But hardness has a way of toughening u from the bottom of ur heart when long done from crying, frustrated and knowing that any help is far away and that everything is a sham, out dawns the fact that anything good can only come from within, sense of humor i somethiung u develop when u can do nothing about the sadness that surrounds u..it keeps u happy or makes u luk like a strong man, wicked, wild and happy, i could do with it...i tuk it with both my arms wide open....
my monsters are from within, the worst of them, if i can take them i can take anybody!!!
i am broken but i will not recede without a failure or a fight, try i shall, fail i may probaby, learn i might, succeed prolly, but failure is more comfortable for me than success i am famiiar with it....
even the broken have their reprieve....
i shall learn

Crystals of Purple Tears....

i love you

i love you

for the lack of a better word, my random heart s totally consumed by you

i was'nt made for this world, my heart was like the breeze

till i met u, i lost my way when i saw you,

now i don't know which way to go, for my life shall ebb away when u've stopped wanting me...

my heart shall fade away...when ur lost to me;

in yet one more of my travels across the vast spaces of my sky blue heart;

and every moment in between when u dint want me will lie as snow

over the peaks, and every moment u locked ur eyes with mine,

shall fall as sunshine over the seas between the clouds....

one more, one more, and yet one more, the winters ache my heart, the summers burn me,

the seasons come and go and i shall be free again....

breeezeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..........

Ben a vile now...that i ve ben walking these roads thru many streets, walking alone, sometimes missing someone to walk with, sometimes wishing i was alone and forever free
Missing a companion, someone even a dog, someone who'd always be by my side, unflinching, someone solid, someone who would never leave no matter what i was upto...
ben stupid. ben wise, when it all comes down to it, i am lonely and i do enjoy it,
any girl would nt make me happy, some girls would do...hehehhe...
Sometimes in the nite when ur face is hot from the pain and the tears...the breeze speaks to you...
caresses your face...soothes u down...lets u lie on her bosom...dries up ur tears..makes me complete..without a word spoken....a company like that...undemanding...unquestioning...unflinching....like a bed of cold space...within u.....
always there for u....how perfect is that.... its all i want....all i ever wanted

huhhhhhh

25 years of age....25 years of age.....motha uckin hell..25 years i don even no who i am...d u realise that ...people my age r settling down having babies getting screwed in their own way...i m here..shit scattered all over my mind...screaming for help...insane.......
jus crying out loud...falling in love...with some of the most beautiful women in the world...and making sure they r well and truly engaged to someone else....huh 25 years of doing some absolutely crazy shit....
im still in love cant help it....jus cant... i fall in love with all forms of life...i do..dogs, leaves, trees, women, the nights with breeze, the longer i live, the fucked upper i become...
jus plain without a grid... i hate most people..cos they r either dumb stupid or they don have my view on well everything....
im gonna kill somebody or myself.....

so insane and then i got brothers who donno a fuck abt me....who tell me they love me...i no i shud be grateful...i shud...but still s nt it all fake..y am i cryin...cos there is no hope?
no hope ?
no hope ?
no hope ?
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar
wat if its true..i donno

my god my god...my god...help me...help me....




help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....
i hate em all stupid earth motherfuckers...hate em all...fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu


o wait happy b day to well a bein.....




aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh

honest admission

i feel small standin besides the river of life...soo many overwhelming things....i mean the skies, the days, the pebbles by the river bed. little things in life, that probably flash sooner in mind than any other, fond lil incidents,
i don understand life, its an admission which is a confession, or the other way around

i guess i ll never understand it either....
wisdom grows as we walk by the river...

The god above...my tears in the sun...

a drink tonight was good...sometimes i wish my sun emerged from my drink and swallowed me into its icy depths....
my eyes have widened...chances of a seperate world with wings seem possible...my smile is stupid...
my heart s slowly disrobing from her silken folds......
memories they all gather up into dust, the present, the past, the future...
why do i keep putting them into lil pages when nothin is required ...
prolly cos i imagine them differently than i would have experienced them, prolly not,
i see everything as a comedy now...the tears are merely a part ofa great epic which unfolds as a comedy of cosmic proportions in which i play but a silly jester's role and in some curious way the mightiest of pains well, i donno this for sure but , the mightiest of pains could only sweep over me as an emotion, the intensity could be different of every emotion yet, they are as the waves of different magnitudes when the rush up against the shores of my heart, yet they'd wash away,

Deeshcontentment

discontentment is almost perennial....always

Conversations with ma alter egos

A[1:14 PM]:
bro
M[1:15 PM]:
brathaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
M[1:15 PM]:
man o man
A[1:15 PM]:
whats so excitin bro?
M[1:15 PM]:
the heat here s unfkn bearable
A[1:15 PM]:
i dunt understand
M[1:15 PM]:
who does
M[1:15 PM]:
jus bounce boy
M[1:15 PM]:
till u can
A[1:15 PM]:
oh that s the problem?
A[1:15 PM]:
the heat?
M[1:15 PM]:
the heat the dust
M[1:15 PM]:
the stuffiness
M[1:15 PM]:
the future
A[1:15 PM]:
hmmm
M[1:15 PM]:
the deserted land
M[1:15 PM]:
the rocks
A[1:16 PM]:
yeah thats there
A[1:16 PM]:
so what s up?
M[1:16 PM]:
u no sometimes i wish i cud jus lay immersed in a street fountain in rome
M[1:16 PM]:
where they throw coins for luck
A[1:16 PM]:
well bratha we are here in India
A[1:16 PM]:
incredible india
A[1:17 PM]:
u cud do somethin in hussein saar
M[1:17 PM]:
ya i d rather put my head in my closet
M[1:17 PM]:
its cleaner
A[1:17 PM]:
hahhahha
A[1:17 PM]:
bro o bro
M[1:17 PM]:
s unfkn bealiveable man
M[1:17 PM]:
elsewhere there r
M[1:17 PM]:
clear skies
M[1:17 PM]:
blue blu waters
M[1:17 PM]:
no dust n heat n shit pretty women
A[1:17 PM]:
hehheheheheh
M[1:18 PM]:
n here we luk ike bloddy beggars
A[1:18 PM]:
its the dark part of the earth here man
A[1:18 PM]:
even the chicks are evil
M[1:18 PM]:
even
M[1:18 PM]:
i agree
M[1:18 PM]:
pure eveilll
A[1:18 PM]:
nothin is what it seems
M[1:18 PM]:
ya s like a sucky sucky part pf earth
A[1:18 PM]:
the women are a mirage in the desert
M[1:19 PM]:
ya man
A[1:19 PM]:
yeah
M[1:19 PM]:
n m still livin in the hope of fllin in love screwin the greter part of the day
M[1:19 PM]:
n be left alne to enjoy betr things n life
A[1:19 PM]:
hope
M[1:19 PM]:
guess s a far away way
A[1:19 PM]:
floats
M[1:20 PM]:
fart bubbles
A[1:20 PM]:
like the air its all around
M[1:20 PM]:
i ll cmplete it for u
A[1:20 PM]:
hehehehehe
M[1:20 PM]:
hope floats fart bubbles
M[1:20 PM]:
man o man
M[1:20 PM]:
sometimes i think
M[1:20 PM]:
hope s god s fart
A[1:20 PM]:
yeah
M[1:20 PM]:
somethin to make us think there s somethin
M[1:20 PM]:
but he wont admit it
A[1:21 PM]:
i wanna be a nihilist
M[1:21 PM]:
niether wud we fully believe we heard or saw it
A[1:21 PM]:
but cant
M[1:21 PM]:
i want to a be a nudist
M[1:21 PM]:
i cud do partly
A[1:21 PM]:
then again u cant
A[1:21 PM]:
u cant shit bro
M[1:21 PM]:
ya then again i cant
M[1:21 PM]:
i guess
M[1:21 PM]:
hehehehe
A[1:21 PM]:
U CANT period bro u cant
A[1:21 PM]:
u cant fart aloud
M[1:22 PM]:
yes u cant
M[1:22 PM]:
they take u to the police if u do
A[1:22 PM]:
even when no one s around u still wanna be sure
M[1:22 PM]:
i switched on the fire alarm in my bldg
A[1:22 PM]:
hehehhehee
M[1:22 PM]:
they took me to the reception
M[1:22 PM]:
escorted me rather
A[1:22 PM]:
woah
A[1:22 PM]:
nice
M[1:22 PM]:
n i was like interrogated as to wat prmopted me to be like that
M[1:23 PM]:
i was like i donno i wa fidggeti with this nice red flip flap button
M[1:23 PM]:
i cant say i was imaginin a nipple between ma fingers can i
A[1:23 PM]:
oh myyy
M[1:23 PM]:
and then hehehe
M[1:23 PM]:
the alarm starts on
A[1:23 PM]:
hahhaahahahaha
M[1:23 PM]:
n im like runnin fromthe scene wen m cot
A[1:24 PM]:
ooooh when did this happen?
M[1:24 PM]:
cupla hours bak
A[1:24 PM]:
nice bro u have some excitement in ur life
M[1:24 PM]:
well i turn ppl on
A[1:24 PM]:
so what did they have to say?
M[1:24 PM]:
hehehehehe
M[1:24 PM]:
they were like the company s goin to the dogs
M[1:24 PM]:
n here this chap likes to fidget eh
A[1:24 PM]:
hahhahaahhaha
A[1:24 PM]:
hahahahaahahaha
M[1:24 PM]:
bro
M[1:24 PM]:
man
A[1:24 PM]:
bro
M[1:25 PM]:
i luk like goldilocks pubic hair rite now
A[1:25 PM]:
hahahahaha
M[1:25 PM]:
i feel worse tho
A[1:25 PM]:
hmmmm
M[1:25 PM]:
temme ma man
A[1:25 PM]:
how is ur team treatin u?
M[1:26 PM]:
hahaha
M[1:26 PM]:
hahahahahaha
M[1:26 PM]:
man ma team does nt know if im in the team or not
M[1:26 PM]:
i visit once ina vile
A[1:26 PM]:
hahahahahaha
M[1:26 PM]:
they r like oh v thot u quit
A[1:26 PM]:
hahahahahaa
A[1:26 PM]:
haahhahahahahaha
M[1:26 PM]:
bro o bro
A[1:26 PM]:
nice sweet
M[1:26 PM]:
very
M[1:27 PM]:
u no sometimes i think if i csnt fuck
M[1:27 PM]:
s ok
M[1:27 PM]:
but idfeel atleast betr if someone fucked me
A[1:27 PM]:
hehehehehhe
M[1:27 PM]:
u no nice n hard
M[1:27 PM]:
jus so i can relaease all my endorphins into the lake
A[1:27 PM]:
brathaaaa lets just do somethin bro
M[1:27 PM]:
wat ma man
M[1:27 PM]:
wat
M[1:27 PM]:
v got not mucha money
M[1:28 PM]:
v donno if v have a future
A[1:28 PM]:
i dunno bro go to pakistan and train wth the taliban
M[1:28 PM]:
v sure don have girls
M[1:28 PM]:
ya wells less dusty there
M[1:28 PM]:
c mon ma man
M[1:28 PM]:
id say if im goin down im goin down happy
M[1:28 PM]:
i wanna go to brazil
A[1:28 PM]:
go to Iraq get a different perspective
M[1:28 PM]:
n be a transvestiote
M[1:28 PM]:
samba dancer
A[1:28 PM]:
no moneyy for that bro
M[1:29 PM]:
ya thats true
M[1:29 PM]:
to
M[1:29 PM]:
but u see
M[1:29 PM]:
these big football players
M[1:29 PM]:
theyr now lukin at the transvestite market for more mixed up fun
M[1:29 PM]:
i cud be the next WAG

M[1:29 PM]:
u no shpping with victoria beckham
A[1:29 PM]:
are they
M[1:29 PM]:
who cud put any transvestite to shame
A[1:29 PM]:
?
M[1:30 PM]:
u no i cud be cristiano ronaldo s arm canddy
M[1:30 PM]:
they sure are
M[1:30 PM]:
u no that brazil s ronaldo rite
M[1:30 PM]:
big player
M[1:30 PM]:
scored max goals in world cup n all
M[1:30 PM]:
he was cot playing balls with em
M[1:30 PM]:
trannies
M[1:31 PM]:
nice work
A[1:31 PM]:
aha
M[1:31 PM]:
no recssion shit
M[1:31 PM]:
jus spread ur legs
A[1:31 PM]:
but that he did when he was drunk right
M[1:31 PM]:
before life spreads em too wide for u
M[1:31 PM]:
so wat bro
M[1:31 PM]:
give hima fuck of a lifetime
M[1:31 PM]:
ur suddenly married to the gonzo
M[1:31 PM]:
atleast u can die happy wt aids
A[1:32 PM]:
its actually nt a bad idea
M[1:32 PM]:
i no
M[1:32 PM]:
now how do i get to brazil
A[1:32 PM]:
thazza big question
A[1:32 PM]:
we cud even pimp
A[1:32 PM]:
in brazil
M[1:32 PM]:
sure man
A[1:32 PM]:
but have heard they mug u in brazil
M[1:33 PM]:
n thats wen the tranny bit comes in
A[1:33 PM]:
and u dont look anythin like a brazilian
M[1:33 PM]:
so wat spread ur legs
A[1:33 PM]:
i atleast look like a afro latino
M[1:33 PM]:
ev body luks brasilian
A[1:33 PM]:
hehehehehhehe
M[1:33 PM]:
im teln u man
M[1:33 PM]:
nice sun tan
M[1:33 PM]:
sligtly dark cant axctaully put a finger on ethnicity
A[1:33 PM]:
hmmmm
M[1:34 PM]:
n the u jingle jangle our jewels to show ur a natural at samba
M[1:34 PM]:
simple shit
M[1:34 PM]:
v need to hit the roads
A[1:34 PM]:
the carnical time
A[1:34 PM]:
rio carnival
A[1:34 PM]:
nice
A[1:34 PM]:
sweet
M[1:35 PM]:
brathaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
M[1:35 PM]:
screw al that
M[1:35 PM]:
do u have nay idea
M[1:35 PM]:
wer i can get some life
M[1:35 PM]:
really
A[1:35 PM]:
no
M[1:35 PM]:
ya quick n painful
A[1:35 PM]:
we are nt gettin anythuin bro
A[1:35 PM]:
sorry
M[1:35 PM]:
yup
M[1:35 PM]:
22 months
M[1:35 PM]:
22 months
M[1:35 PM]:
men in jails have a bter time
A[1:36 PM]:
yeah they do
A[1:36 PM]:
they turn gay for good
M[1:36 PM]:
ya abt time too
A[1:36 PM]:
we cant even make up our minds
M[1:36 PM]:
ya i cant
M[1:36 PM]:
im sittin on the fence
M[1:36 PM]:
and the spikes r eatin into ma balls
A[1:36 PM]:
yeah i knw how ya feel bro
M[1:36 PM]:
bro
M[1:37 PM]:
shalaba s comin to b lor re next week
A[1:37 PM]:
well thats all we can do bro complain
M[1:37 PM]:
bro
A[1:37 PM]:
yeah bro i knw
M[1:37 PM]:
score that goal for me
M[1:37 PM]:
wud ya
A[1:37 PM]:
well i will try
M[1:37 PM]:
u shud bro
M[1:37 PM]:
u shud
M[1:37 PM]:
put it in the far corner
M[1:37 PM]:
away from the goal keeper
A[1:37 PM]:
but bro its like i have already given up even before trying
A[1:38 PM]:
experience
A[1:38 PM]:
says i cant play for nuts
M[1:38 PM]:
ya man i no
A[1:38 PM]:
so all i will do is make me more unhappy
M[1:39 PM]:
bro wats to lost
M[1:39 PM]:
v r sittin on the rocks at the bottom
A[1:39 PM]:
yeah i knw bro its like u knw i'd rather live in the false hope that someday i will get a nice chick
M[1:39 PM]:
exactly
A[1:39 PM]:
if i try and dont succeed even the false hope will vanish
A[1:40 PM]:
then i wud be all the more fucked up
M[1:40 PM]:
bro
M[1:40 PM]:
trust me
M[1:40 PM]:
false hope s a killer
M[1:40 PM]:
ttry it once u ve fallen flat on ur face it
M[1:40 PM]:
helps u cometo a decision
A[1:41 PM]:
so do i keep lowering my expectations?
M[1:41 PM]:
u no sittin on the fence is nota comfy position tho it luks like one
A[1:41 PM]:
do i go for the ugliest chick on campus?
M[1:41 PM]:
no man
M[1:41 PM]:
u go for all chicks
M[1:41 PM]:
ev erypne
M[1:41 PM]:
every bit of chiken must be stuck in ur teeth
A[1:41 PM]:
hmmm
M[1:41 PM]:
n those that stick r ur prey those that dont
M[1:42 PM]:
well there r other fish in the sea
A[1:42 PM]:
hmmmm
A[1:42 PM]:
i just dunno hw to do that
M[1:42 PM]:
me niether
A[1:42 PM]:
hehehehehehe
M[1:42 PM]:
i cn amake a lot of hot air
M[1:42 PM]:
i can
A[1:42 PM]:
i am a shallow guy
A[1:43 PM]:
like all straight guys
M[1:43 PM]:
i can fuck in the deep end
A[1:43 PM]:
i cant look at ugly chicks
A[1:43 PM]:
leave alone make conversation
M[1:43 PM]:
no bro u have to goo deeper than that luk at me
M[1:43 PM]:
i take a part an ugly aprreciate her inner beauty
M[1:43 PM]:
that reflects in her butt
M[1:43 PM]:
or boobs
A[1:43 PM]:
how the fuck do u do that
A[1:43 PM]:
hahahahhahahah
M[1:43 PM]:
i mean i appreciate
M[1:44 PM]:
wat ever i can lay my hands on
A[1:44 PM]:
then i start to feel guilty bro
A[1:44 PM]:
i am all messed up
M[1:44 PM]:
ya guilt is a bitch
M[1:44 PM]:
so am i
M[1:44 PM]:
bro
M[1:44 PM]:
so am i
M[1:44 PM]:
god s like
M[1:44 PM]:
he takes most women i throw at him without even a wince
A[1:45 PM]:
he is like u cant have her cause she s too good for ya and cant have the ugly ones either cause there is no connection
M[1:45 PM]:
so how wud it be if i threw him no women at all
M[1:45 PM]:
ya ur lukin for love
M[1:45 PM]:
thats y ur lukin for connection
M[1:45 PM]:
thats a big ugly wait
M[1:45 PM]:
but it sure pays off in the end
M[1:45 PM]:
u ll meet ur one
A[1:45 PM]:
i cant look for just sex....i cant break someone s heart ...usually the ugly ones are the ones good at heart
M[1:46 PM]:
jesus christ
A[1:46 PM]:
and they are not lookin for casual sex
M[1:46 PM]:
bro
M[1:46 PM]:
wel
M[1:46 PM]:
i donno i have tears in my eyes rite now
A[1:46 PM]:
hehehehheheheh
A[1:46 PM]:
hahahahahhahahaah
M[1:46 PM]:
no seriously
M[1:46 PM]:
u have the best of hearts
A[1:46 PM]:
hahahhahahahaha
M[1:46 PM]:
n as the old adage goes
A[1:47 PM]:
hahhahahahahaha
M[1:47 PM]:
a good heart sleeps lonely
A[1:47 PM]:
yeahh
M[1:47 PM]:
n me here
A[1:47 PM]:
heheheheheheh
M[1:47 PM]:
i mean my hearts n ma dick
M[1:47 PM]:
he s gud so he s lonely as well
M[1:47 PM]:
ya well
A[1:47 PM]:
yeah bro i knw
M[1:47 PM]:
s like an epidemic
A[1:47 PM]:
hehehhehehhehe
M[1:47 PM]:
al the gud ones
M[1:48 PM]:
get married to dick warts
M[1:48 PM]:
the bad ones r gud at heart
M[1:48 PM]:
and the hot ones will only go out for money
A[1:48 PM]:
well thats the whole problem bro the ugly and dumb uns fall in love wth u...its always the gals wth whom u dont have a connection who fall head over heel for u
M[1:48 PM]:
exactly
A[1:48 PM]:
wud slash their wrists for ya
M[1:48 PM]:
i ben tryin to ruin ma network for so long
M[1:48 PM]:
trying sabotqage
M[1:48 PM]:
no ways
M[1:49 PM]:
the moment i feel the coneection
M[1:49 PM]:
i get treated like a sanitary napkin
M[1:49 PM]:
s sweet u no
A[1:50 PM]:
same here bro
A[1:50 PM]:
same here
M[1:50 PM]:
eh well
A[1:51 PM]:
how come its always one sided
M[1:51 PM]:
hehehehe
M[1:51 PM]:
god gives man a round ball
A[1:51 PM]:
and the ones u dont need u dont even have to try
A[1:51 PM]:
they fall all over the place
M[1:51 PM]:
and a woman a square hole
M[1:51 PM]:
and ask them to fit it
M[1:52 PM]:
n call the resultant strugle love
A[1:52 PM]:
bro am i mean guy is god givin me shit cause i cant appreciate inner beauty
M[1:52 PM]:
thats bull bro
A[1:52 PM]:
if i am shallow can i help it?? ths is what pravin told me
M[1:52 PM]:
hahahahahhahahahaha
A[1:53 PM]:
he told me that i am waitin for a super model to land up in my lap
M[1:53 PM]:
bro m leanin agaisnt a wall n lafin now
A[1:53 PM]:
i dunno wtf to tell him
M[1:53 PM]:
bro i tell u wat
M[1:53 PM]:
tell pravin he shud sure be lucky to have met his wel miss universe
A[1:53 PM]:
hehehhehehehheeh
M[1:53 PM]:
the ones who wait get bettr things in life
M[1:54 PM]:
its proven
M[1:54 PM]:
no matr how long
A[1:54 PM]:
come to think of it....pravin is a good lookin chap and garima well aint exactlyy a nice match
M[1:54 PM]:
u want a super model u go to town with it boy
M[1:54 PM]:
hahahaha
M[1:54 PM]:
wel
M[1:54 PM]:
he shud sure be counting himself lucky
M[1:54 PM]:
hehehehe
A[1:54 PM]:
but they are so totally in love
M[1:55 PM]:
ya cos pravins shit scared if he gets off the bus n the bus leaves
M[1:55 PM]:
he not gonna find a seat in anythin else
A[1:55 PM]:
wel i am happy for them and i hope the momentum stays
M[1:55 PM]:
most ppl stay in love
A[1:55 PM]:
yeah that definitely has been his problem
M[1:55 PM]:
cos they r scared of not getn lucky again
A[1:55 PM]:
hmmmm
M[1:56 PM]:
faln in love s one thing
M[1:56 PM]:
staying in love is horse crap
A[1:56 PM]:
hehehehehe
M[1:56 PM]:
s cald prolonged sacrifice
M[1:56 PM]:
the lays dry up
A[1:56 PM]:
yeah thats there bro
M[1:56 PM]:
the talks get platonic
A[1:56 PM]:
they do eventually
M[1:56 PM]:
they days become routine
M[1:56 PM]:
pravin must be enjoyin it
A[1:56 PM]:
monotony
M[1:57 PM]:
hehehe
A[1:57 PM]:
he enjoys marital monotony
M[1:57 PM]:
ya thats wat they call bliss
A[1:57 PM]:
he simply loves it
M[1:57 PM]:
hahahaha
A[1:57 PM]:
he cant get enuf of it
M[1:57 PM]:
bro s cald security man
M[1:57 PM]:
that chap must be a pile of bricks of insecurity
A[1:57 PM]:
he is wedded to her 24 hrs
M[1:57 PM]:
so wne he has a chick
M[1:57 PM]:
it s a tonic for him to think well;
A[1:57 PM]:
and she to him
M[1:58 PM]:
im wanted after all
A[1:58 PM]:
hmmm
M[1:58 PM]:
trust me we all want to be wanted
A[1:58 PM]:
never really understood that
A[1:58 PM]:
yeah that is there
M[1:58 PM]:
i want to be wnated big time
A[1:58 PM]:
me too
M[1:58 PM]:
but hey i want to screw my head off
M[1:58 PM]:
before i settle down to see birds crappin on my wedding ring
A[1:59 PM]:
thazz there
M[1:59 PM]:
n not the same chick
A[1:59 PM]:
yep
M[1:59 PM]:
u no trust me love is just an emotion man
A[1:59 PM]:
thats so true man
M[1:59 PM]:
u can replicate the feeling u have for someone
M[1:59 PM]:
exactly
M[1:59 PM]:
for someone again
A[1:59 PM]:
yep
M[1:59 PM]:
we all tend to think no no way
M[1:59 PM]:
i used to think
A[1:59 PM]:
thats a fallacy
M[1:59 PM]:
no fkn way
M[2:00 PM]:
but no man i feel exactly just as miserable around some others too
A[2:00 PM]:
hmmm
M[2:00 PM]:
thats love bro
M[2:00 PM]:
so don worry ur gonna meet ur aishu in someone else
A[2:00 PM]:
hehehhee
M[2:00 PM]:
never mind she d be ur daughter s age
A[2:00 PM]:
yeah bro
M[2:00 PM]:
or ur own daughter
A[2:00 PM]:
hahahhahahaaha
M[2:01 PM]:
cos god has a way of makin us feel like that
A[2:01 PM]:
hmmmm
M[2:01 PM]:
n im gonna meet my personal nightmare
M[2:01 PM]:
in abeggar woman
M[2:01 PM]:
or dick juggling whore
A[2:01 PM]:
heheheehehhee
M[2:01 PM]:
welll
M[2:01 PM]:
well
M[2:01 PM]:
s all comin to us man
A[2:01 PM]:
i am waitin bro i am waitin
M[2:01 PM]:
all v have to do is wait for the fart to blow over
A[2:02 PM]:
hehe
M[2:02 PM]:
n then the shit starts
A[2:02 PM]:
yep
A[2:02 PM]:
dunno how long this shit storm is gonna last
M[2:02 PM]:
ya man that was philosophical
M[2:02 PM]:
brathaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
A[2:02 PM]:
oh its the fart thats blowin over now?
A[2:03 PM]:
cant wait for the shit then
A[2:03 PM]:
nice
A[2:03 PM]:
endure
A[2:03 PM]:
endure
A[2:03 PM]:
endure
A[2:03 PM]:
endure
M[2:03 PM]:
ya somethin like that
M[2:03 PM]:
cos hahahahaha
M[2:03 PM]:
v r in india bro
M[2:03 PM]:
else wer
A[2:03 PM]:
hahahahhahaha
A[2:03 PM]:
we lead the same identical lives every single day
M[2:04 PM]:
oh hell i cant tell u wat u do
M[2:04 PM]:
i can
A[2:05 PM]:
get up teh same time crap at the same time....take the same bus...same roads....same ppl...the same computer screen....dejavu over and over again
A[2:05 PM]:
its like a freakin never ending cycle
M[2:05 PM]:
hahahaha man
M[2:05 PM]:
o man
M[2:05 PM]:
s so true
M[2:05 PM]:
so true

This morning's crave;

Dawn comes
I sit facing the wharf
I see trash, I see garbage
But they luk so beautiful in blue morning light,
Ah the sun the bringer of fresh promises, cleanser of the night of foul flesh n mind;
With her light, my demons cry away to sleep, n I sleep, tears hot n wet soakin my cheeks
I sleep clingin to a warmth I so wish was my woman, my saviour, my soil of sorrow, sin and soul(sole) contentment;
The wharf is cold n blue, but I love t in the cold n blue, the water metallic, bathes everything in the sun’s fresh milk
I sit as the crows start flying out of their nests, elsewhere life begins for yet another day,
Many won’t live tomoro, many might be come, I will pain n ache thru today;
But this morning’s promise I ll keep;
In her wonderful bosom I ll sleep;
Only today; only now; only for her;

pheww..!!! and tears...

wind blows over the lush grassland;

i luk golden in the evening sun;

a guitar or song i don have

id want to sing it tho;

strangers' faces crowd around in my memory;

loves who came n went;

people who touched me on so many levels, yet never loved me;

sometimes i sit n wonder if anyone knew me, or loved me, cos they never knew me

how can u love something which u never new;

i new ppl i barely met, i loved ppl who were strangers to me;

and i loved them for what they were to me;

i sit now here and with just one witness to this besides this caressing breeze;

the sun;

i sit n luk around me, y am i doing this - God !!

y am i playing ur fool, after i ve played the villain n the hero,

it is the most painful part of ur play

and ur there miles away

watchin' me, smilin at me from behind the sun's disc

i am left pickin up the pieces after u ve left me here;

i was wrong, i can't remember how, prolly that kills me u know;

i donno wat i am doing here...

every morning i am wat u want me to be;

every evening i m wishing wat i want to be;

and i got strangers all; lukin at me from a distance;

and me here missing u;

Lady don't break my heart..!!!

I see u stand over there by the fire;

in ur red gown n wet lashes, ur eyes boast a mystery;

ur hair wet as if u were a mermaid; i look over at u from across the room;

my heart skips a beat, i know ur waiting for someone;

i wish it was me;

i walk upto u and u do not even see me..

i stand there and luk at u; my heart beating in my mouth;

my eyes are turning black inside from needing u all over me;

u speak but i cant hear, ur words are drowned out in the black pools inside ur eyes;

my breaths are painful, escaping,

i reach out and gently caress ur chin, my eyes now flaming, i come near you to taste ur breath;

like wine, and tear-stains, i feel like coming home plunging into ur breath...

"i need you", i can't say, but i need you!!!

ur hair, ur eyes, ur neck, ur arms, i could die from watching u n worshiping you;

and not know it;

no words, only breaths exchanged, i pick u up i my arms, as i head out through the door,

my eyes, urs, mix strange, primal promises;

tonight i shall die happy...inside you..~~~

Some song

This is a song i'd heard when i was a kid, i'd want to sing it to that special someone not around now anyways..





I like the feel of your name on my lips
And I like the sound of your sweet gentle kiss
The way that your fingers run through my hair
And how your scent lingers even when your not there

And I like the way your eyes dance when you laugh
And how you enjoy your two hour bath
And how you convinced me to dance in the rain
With everyone watching like we were insane

But I love the way you love me
Strong and wild
Slow and easy
Heart and soul
So completely
I love the way you love me

I like to imitate old Jerry Lee
And watch you roll your eyes when I'm slightly off key
And I like the innocent way that you cry
At sappy old movies you've seen hundreds of times

But I love the way you love me
Strong and wild
Slow and easy
Heart and soul
So completely
I love the way you love me

And I could list a million things
I love to like about you
But they all come down to one reason
I could never live without you

I love the way you love me
Strong and wild
Slow and easy
Heart and soul
So completely
I love the way you love me
Oh baby I love the way you love me

And i slept like a babe..!!

Her hair smelt like the daisies in her pond;
Her neck smelt like her warmth;
As she turned in bed to face me,
Her lips parted and I saw the pearls in her mouth;
Her eyes were warm, deep oceans that whirled wildly with a twinkle in them;
Her breath tasted like the liquid of life;
Her mouth made me hard, so hard and strong,
I felt her hair now, this morning, when the sun streamed thru;
To warm our sweat stained mattress;
I rose n fell like a ship in the waves of a warm, ocean;
She rose with her lips touching mine;
Her fingers, womanly clenched my scalp;
Her breath was my drink,
Her weakness my strength;
My cry of heart was her song;
Her legs that quivered mine;
Were treasured deep within my memory;
Her cry was the last thing I heard before I plunged into silence;
Darkness, painful peace;
But I swam deeper, I wanted to escape;
I swam, till I fell dead from her;
My mermaid had mated me for life;
My life was now a sweaty open weak book ,
She read it, closed it, now she would throw me in the shelves of her brain
And forget about me;
I lay in the bed n darkness;
I lay in wait for the silence to come n blanket me;

Broken Roads..!!!

The vast spaces of land in the cold night seemed endless
The stars shone in the violet sky;
My love was waiting me at home;
I remembered her smile;
It caused a twisted pain in my heart;
She waited as she might now have;
Tossed her hair back; waiting;
Her eyes fixed in the distance; the small bloody heart
Punching against her supple bosoms;
Her arms tied in a knot;
Her eyes an ocean of depth, lust, and mystery;
She may have tossed her hair back again;
The lands sprawled ahead of endless;
The stars formed her shape, her smile, in the nights, and I walked on by;
Through the broken roads,

Siberian Evenings..!!

Thru the cold I froze;
Shivered and shriveled,
The night seemed endless,
So did the winds that showered me in ice;
I lay frozen
U came
In ur warm bosom I remembered love;
In ur darkness, I remembered home;
Ur heart made me beat;
Ur arms around my head gave me my life;
The tears froze over my eyes;
As I lay in white
For miles of miles; there was but you; and nobody else;
In this cold evening in Siberia

God thank you...im in love with your creations...

Passing through..!!

I was reading by threads on Eugene Onegin, Pushkin’s famous Byronic work, on the net.
Lovely reading it made, made me think, and that is some credit to give to anyone or thing.
S about the story of a young , sophisticated dandy who’s bored with life, who when visiting his Uncle’s estate allows a wonderful girl to fall in love with him and write him a letter full of truth and passion, which he, as a proposal soon quashes and lets her know in polite terms that he cannot accept.
He sure enough lives on to an older age where he regrets the decision as much as he regrets his life, fate soon brings them both together but in a much different setting.
In the cultured ballrooms of St.Petersburg or Moscow, I forget, they meet again, this time though she is the noble woman and he, the mysterious, once well known party hopper.
Fate ensures that they both cannot be together for their own reasons, and they live to pine about it.
The book of course is a lot more deep and colorful than my crude theme here, but the gist is the same.
What drove me to think about this fairly mundane gist, was the fact that even I had made decisions, of a similar nature and now think back on them with a pinch of regret
But I I ll be quick to point out that the flip side of that coin bears the heavy, happy face of relief.
But then again I was thinking, one of the threads was from a Russian, who wrote that in all the interpretations of the book, it was let known that Onegin as a man was unworthy of the mighty love and passion of Tatjana, the perfect epitome of Russian feminity.
I gathered that it’s not been until recently that someone spoke of Onegin’s perspective as if of a grave discovery.
Funnily enough everything is white or black in the book, except for Eugene.
That his character is a philanderer, a rich intellectual with a proper scorn for country folk does not paint an ominous introduction; add to these, the murder of his friend, and his resultant absence until later in the story makes him the proper villain.
Strangely even the final scene of the story casts him deeper into apparent villainy.

Nobody cares to wait or ponder about the situations or circumstances that cast such a mighty shadow on the man’s heart. Pushkin carefully leaves it to the reader to judge his characters.
Somehow I relate very deeply with the man’s loneliness, the pain of committing a wise decision in the past which soured to folly later in life, and the cold irony life brought to him through the white winters of Russia...
The movie’s a good watch…my views here are unnecessary because a piece of art like life is to the spectator his private truth, what it is to the other is of no consequence to anybody...